Learning to Listen

When, oh, when will I learn to listen?

Am I learning? At all?

Lately I have had growing feelings of discomfort toward my bro. He is "rich and Republican". Of course, he is much more than just that and I love him. But lately I have felt the huge rift and been put off by it.

And yet, this morning when I noticed he was online and I decided to Skype him, I just jumped right in there - tho it did require overriding some very strong "don't go there" signals.

Perhaps the ensuing crash and burn was inevitable. Perhaps it was the old moth attraction to a flame phenomenon. At any rate, things sure got ugly.

Lesson #1: Listen to your inner voice.

Sigh.

Bro's first question was had I given the money for my daughter's scholarship to her or had I kept it. "Yes, I course, I kept it", said I, "and I am headin out now to shop - need anything?" I asked.

Ok, sarcasm - not the best response. Nor was my next choice - honesty. I explained that MS OM has had a prob with her bank card due to a fraudulent charge and had to cancel card then ran into a mess getting a new one but that I had just mailed same by express mail yesterday and that when it arrives I will put the dough in her account. Seems reasonable, eh? Maybe I should have left out the part about the $30.00 fee on this end and alleged $20.00 fee on that end which the banks charge for international wiring. It seems that somehow Bro decided that since my daughter is getting a scholarship from him (and his wife), that when I "waste" money paying bank fees, it is his money. I tried to explain that I had not wasted any of "his" money, that I give my daughter all of the money he sends her (and plenty of my own to boot) and that I would not take or spend any of her scholarship.

We have a long standing battle going about money. I told him about 20 years ago that I would never ask him for a penny. And I have not. It is such a huge issue to him - I just wanted him to know our relationship is not based on me getting his money. But now that my daughter has applied for and received that scholarship, on her own, I might add, it seems I am again vulnerable to scrutiny and condemnation.

Things sure got ugly there. My bro did try to change the subject by asking how my DH is doing. More specifically, how is he doing with his injury. About the same, really. He is on two heavy duty pain meds, completely unable to walk, unwilling to travel, and still finding joy in music and cyberspace and puttering.

Most peeps do not understand the situation. It is a terrible and devastating injury, crushed pelvis, crushed nerves, declared inoperable by the neurologists because of the mangled condition. Paralysis, pain, and for some reason it has worsened alarmingly over the last several years.

Well, DH was clever enough to throw "this is why we need health care reform" into the conversation. I should have run screaming then. But no, on we went, down the spiraling vibes into, yes, HELL>

Well, when we got to the part where my bro was waxing profound on the "fact" that the entire problem is due to frivolous lawsuits I could hardly stay in the room. In fact I left them to it for a bit, returning to say that frivolous lawsuits are not THE problem, that it is more complicated than that. Bro's reply was that if I said that again he was going to hang up.

Lesson number 2: Listen to what is behind the words.

I think that was a huge red flag that he was feeling really vulnerable and threatened - but I only saw red.

"Goodbye", I said. And so did he. We hung up.

Well, now I feel like crap. Yeah, he is kinda a redneck. But I do love him.

And what is worse is this sinking feeling that if we cannot even have a civil conversation about this, then how the heck is the country gonna come together.

I am tired of being told that I am brainwashed. And yet, don't I feel that "they" are?

We need to get to "We".

Perhaps it is hard for my bro to relax and enjoy his $2000 per week Hawaiian rental while discussing the fact that we cannot afford the next neurosurgical consultation. ( Not that I hold great hope there. I trust more in meditation and visualization at this point) And what was that, a little jab at my bro, there? Some judgements? eh?

So what started the nightmare? All this over exorbitant bank fees? What really happened this morning? I dont know. I wish I could fit under the bed.........

I want to help bring folks together. I see I've got a lot of homework to do..... Tell me how and I will........listen.